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• It is best to write reviews for books you would highly recommend to others.
• If you are inclined to post a negative review, first ask yourself what you wish to accomplish. A vicious, negative  review is simply unfair. If you post one on Amazon, the publisher or author can file a complaint and your review may be removed.
• Even if you love a book, be honest about it. If there is any aspect of that book you feel could be improved, mention that in a tactful, fair way. For example, “The story is charming and told with such clever, simple prose. The illustrations are lovely, however I do wish the colors were not so muted.”
• Do your homework and research the author and illustrator for interesting information you can add to the review. Have they won any awards? Have they published anything else or a series perhaps?
• Do not read other reviews of the book you are reviewing, because it is not good to be influenced in any way by what someone else thinks of the book.
• Be creative with the title of your review. Why use a mundane title? You want to draw attention to your review so others will read yours over others. Which review would you prefer to read? One entitled “Nice Book” or “Uniquely clever story with a Shocking Twist and Extraordinary Illustrations.”
• Do not simply give an outline of the book – that would be a summary rather than a review, and frankly that is boring.
• Give a short synopsis of the story without giving everything about the book away. You want readers to be really curious about the story after they read your review.
• Creatively state what you like or love about the book.
• Mention the overall quality of the book – printing, binding, paper, cover etc. Book quality is very important in the children’s market, because kids are hard on books!
• Don’t assume that a longer review is a better review. You can do a good job with a brief review, and that’s what people prefer to read.
• Come up with a clever way to end your review, whether that is with a play on words, a teaser or some other catchy sentence.
• Proofread your review carefully.
• Have someone else with writing experience proof it too.

The more you write reviews, the better you will get at writing them. Happy reviewing to you!

1. Ask your child to write a review of a book he or she enjoyed reading.
2. Teach your children to write thank you notes every time they receive a gift.
3. Encourage your child to write and illustrate his or her own book.
4. Search together for writing contests for kids.
5. Suggest that your child write a snail mail letter to a friend, near or far.
6. Encourage your child to write a short play and act it out for the family.
7. Teach your child how to write a haiku for fun.
8. Give your child a topic and challenge him or her to write a story (i,e. “The funniest thing I ever saw was” or “If I could do anything at all I would…”
9. Encourage your child to write a letter to a local politician or newspaper editor about a subject he or she is passionate about.
10. Ask your child to write a nice thank you note to his or her teacher at the end of the school year.

1. Don’t post a status that really should be a private message, because frankly no one else cares to read it. “Hey, Jenny, I’ll pick you up at 7 after I wax my eyebrows.”
2. Don’t post incomplete potentially upsetting statements. It is rather arrogant and your Facebook friends will not appreciate this kind of mystery, unless your intention is to upset everyone.  “The worst news ever! Please, please pray for me!”
3. Good Lord, don’t preach your religious views. This needs no explanation. Amen.
4. DO NOT WRITE IN ALL CAPS! IT IS DIFFICULT TO READ AND OBNOXIOUS TO BOOT.
5. Spare us your boring life details; I can assure you that no one cares or needs to know. “OMG! I peed three times in fifteen minutes after drinking a huge glass of iced tea!”
6. Don’t post inappropriate or embarrassing photos of your children. It is disrespectful, and your kids will grow up and not come home for Christmas.
7. Don’t be an excessive poster. 25 posts in one day is a little much, don’t you think? It makes a statement, “It’s all about me.”
8. Keep your political views to yourself, because no matter what you say, you will offend someone out there. And I can assure you that some people will think you are brilliant and others will think you are an idiot.
9. If you post a link, it better be good, not tortuously long, and that darn link better work when your friends click on it.
10. Don’t post a quote from a song, person or movie without quotation marks and without credit for the originator. Give credit where credit is due.
11. It is fine to celebrate your achievements or those of your children, but please do not shove it down your friends’ throats in a competitive manner. If you do, you will be secretly despised. “Michael hit 5 home runs in the game tonight, and he’s been deemed too advanced for this age league now.”
12. Don’t try to friend people your friends are friends with if you have no connection to them. It’s a bit stalky.
13. Don’t excessively push your business on your Facebook account, thus the term “social” networking. Create a separate page for that.
14. If you are dating someone and decide to post a relationship status, remember that should that status change, everyone will see it. Do you want everyone to know and ask you about it? “So sorry you were dumped. Wow, that sure did not last very long. Are you okay?”
15. Don’t post anything you’ll regret, because you may not be able to permanently remove it. That’s why it is not a good idea to use Facebook when you are under the influence of anything other than a glass of water.

Half of a Heart

Without you I’d have

Only half of a heart.

For that very reason

We must not ever part.

You solve my problems.

You right my wrongs.

You kill rats in the attic.

You sing me songs.

You take out the garbage

(When I remind you to do so.)

You pick up poop in the yard.

It’s okay that you can’t sew.

You let me beat you at Scrabble.

You accept all my quirks.

You’re not like other husbands

Who are nothing but jerks.

You make me laugh ‘til I cry.

You make me smile ear to ear.

You protect me from harm.

And you squelch all my fears.

I couldn’t have dreamt up

A better Valentine than you.

Honey you’ve got what it takes

Never bid me adieu.

For without you

I’d have only half of a heart.

For that very reason

We must not ever part.

1

I was at an antique show today and there was a dealer who had paintings I was looking at. He asked me, “Do you like these paintings? They are all from one local artist”

And I replied, “Actually, to be perfectly honest, I do not. I was just shocked they were on display because I really can’t imagine anyone thinking these are good.” They looked like a 4-year-old painted them.

“If you knew his life story, you’d want to buy all of these paintings,” said the dealer.

“His story may be fascinating,” I said, “But nothing could make me think this artist has talent.” I didn’t even feel bad for being brutally honest.

2

“Excuse me, is that a dog you’re walking?” a stranger asked me as I was strolling along with my giant standard poodle, Darwin.

“Of course it is,” I replied.

“I think you must be mistaken,” said the stranger. “That ain’t no dog. It is a M – - – - – - F – - – -ing  brown pony with curly hair.”

3

A woman at the grocery store was looking at the display of donuts in the bakery. A worker asked her, “Can I get you something? A donut or a pastry perhaps?”

“Only if you have a magic pill I can take so those goodies don’t settle into my ass.”

4

1. Off and Of  – Wrong: “Please get of off my foot,” she said to her dog. Correct: “Please get off of my foot,” she said to her dog.
2. There, Their and They’re – Wrong: There going to take they’re turn over their. They’re going to take their turn over there.
3. Than, Then - Wrong: Than tell me what you want. Correct: Then tell me what you want.
4. Two, To and Too -  Wrong: I am to tired two sit through too movies! Correct: I am too tired to sit through two movies!
5. Who’s, Whose – Wrong: Whose going to tell me who’s got my keys? Correct: Who’s going to tell me whose got my keys.

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• A stick in the mud.
• At the end of the day.
• Beat around the bush.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
• Been there, done that.
• Can’t see the forest for the trees.
• Can’t tell your ass from your elbow.
• Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
• Don’t put the cart before the horse.
• Easy come, easy go.
• Feast or famine.
• From soup to nuts.
• Grows like a weed.
• He bought the farm.
• Hotter than hell.
• I have an axe to grind.
• If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
• If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
• It’s a dog-eat-dog world.
• It’s a drop in the bucket.
• It’s me, not you.
• It’s not rocket science.
• It’s sink or swim.
• Like two peas in a pod.
• Living from hand to mouth.
• Location. Location. Location.
• Looking for a needle in the haystack.
• Love has no boundaries.
• Measure once, cut twice.
• Money does not grow on trees.
• Never put off tomorrow what you can do today.
• Never say never.
• Not my cup of tea.
• Once in a blue moon.
• One bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch.
• One day at a time.
• Plain as day.
• Poor as a church mouse.
• Reap what you sow.
• She’s the cream of the crop.
• Sight for sore eyes.
• Slow as molasses.
• Sly as a fox.
• Step up to the plate.
• Strong as an ox.
• Sweet as honey.
• Talk the talk and walk the walk.
• The apple never falls far from the tree.
• The ball’s in your court.
• The best things in life are free.
• The check is in the mail.
• The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
• There’s no place like home.
• They lived happily ever after.
• Timing is everything.
• To be perfectly honest.
• Water under the bridge.
• We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
• When it rains, it pours.
• Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
• With all due respect.
• You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
• You never know what ya got until it’s gone.