“A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when

all others are forsaking, it never fails or

falters, even though the heart is breaking.”

-  Poet Helen Rice

1. How could 4 years fly by that quickly?
2. Wow, am I proud of my daughter.
3. 4 years of high school is long enough.
4. Why are the graduation speeches so boring?
5. I respect so many of my daughter’s wonderful teachers, and I want to thank them.
6. I wish I worked as hard in high school as my daughter did.
7. How many of my daughter’s high school friends will she still be in touch with when she graduates?
8. I am so excited for her future.
9. What wonderful things will she do with her life when she is done with college?
10. What on earth will I do when she’s gone?

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What makes a Mom a great Mom?

1. She puts her kids first (without the guilt).
2. She also takes care of herself.
3. She is self-confident.
4. She is giving to others as well.
5. She laughs a lot.
6. She can laugh at herself.
7. She is patient.
8. She is forgiving and accepting.
9. She is reliable.
10. She has a good work ethic.
11. She keeps her home as organized and clean as possible.
12. She sets out to avoid the mistakes her parents made.
13. She encourages the love of reading from day one of her child’s life.
14. She encourages her children to be curious.
15. She encourages creativity.
16. She supports their interests.
17. She provides a calm, n0n-chaotic home life for her children.
18. She makes sure her children feel safe.
19. She constantly shows them affection with hugs and words.
20. She makes her children feel special.
21. She praises her children when she should.
22. She sets a good example for her children. (Practices what she preaches.)
23. She provides healthy food and a healthy active lifestyle for her children.
24. She teaches her children to choose their friends wisely.
25. She is helpful to her children (without the guilt).
26. She spends quality time with her children in all stages of their lives.
27. She disciplines her children consistently with love.
28. She lets her children know there are consequences for their actions, both good and bad.
29. She does not spoil her children (in the sense that they become monsters.)
30. She does not teach her children to be materialistic.
31. She does not lie to them to protect them from life.
32. She does not criticize or belittle her children.
33. She encourages her children to talk to her about what is on their minds.
34. She knows when her children have something bothering them.
35. She knows when her children are not being honest.
36. She teaches her children to stand up for themselves.
37. She does not compete with her children.
38. She does not compare her children to others or expect them to be like others.
39. She fully respects her children.
40. She is understanding and fair.
41. She has realistic expectations.
42. She teaches her children to be independent.
43. She does not try to control her children.
44. She lets her children think for themselves.
45. She does not teach her children to be miserably competitive.
46. She does not expect her children to be perfect.
47. She accepts that she will make some parenting mistakes.
48. She worries about her children.
49. She wants her children to be happy and healthy.
50. She loves them unconditionally and equally.

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There are many possible signs:

• Love of books – Gifted kids love when their parents read them books, and they can sit still through a short story. They will often ask for books as gifts and you will see them sitting and looking at their books on their own. They will also generally start to read on their own at age 4 or 5.
• Curiosity – Asking a lot of questions about many topics is a common every day occurrence for gifted children. You can see their wheels turning in their little brains as you answer their questions.
• Broad Vocabulary -  If you notice your toddler is using “big” words for his age or is very creative in his choice of words, that is an obvious sign of intelligence.
• Talent – Does your child draw well, have an interest in a musical instrument, often perform for you? These too are signs of a gifted child.
• Hobbies – A highly intelligent child will have a variety of interests and will likely have a collection of sorts – coins, rocks, shark teeth, stamps, marbles, etc.
• Concentration – Gifted children are active like other children but ca also concentrate on tasks for a longer period of time than their peers.
• Memory – A gifted child remembers a great number of facts and events and may shock you when she gets older when she mentions details she remembers from her toddler years.
• Insight – Many gifted children are wise well beyond their years. They may be more sensitive to others’ emotions or even offer advice that is so mature for their age it will take you by surprise.
• Desire to be with Older Children and Adults – Bright children, even those as young as 3 or 4 enjoy listening to good conversation. They may prefer to hang out with older kids or sit in on a conversation adults are having.

Parents can generally tell if their child is an advanced learner. If one or both of a child’s parents are gifted, it makes sense that the child may be as well. In any event, a child does not have to be “gifted” to be ultra successful in life. We’ve all known very intellectual yet lazy people as well as ultra successful adults who showed no sign of being gifted as a child.

Success is mostly about motivation and getting along with others.

© 2009 by Debbie Glade, Smart Poodle Publishing. All rights reserved.

Click here to see last week’s comic.

1. Why would a family with 5 children and a father who is often deployed want to adopt a special needs child?
2. Should a family with 5 children and a father who is often deployed be allowed to adopt special needs child?
3. How long should it take for a baby with special needs to bond with a family? Or is it possible for a baby to never bond with a loving family?
4. Is there a “romantic” vision adoptive parents have of the child they are going to receive?  You know what I mean – the dream that a baby with challenges will make a 100% turn-around to become a perfect, beautiful, bright, thriving child?
5. Was it the mom’s inability to bond that affected the rest of the family’s ability to also do so?
6. Did this mom give up too early?
7. Was this simply about a mom who could not love this baby for reasons of her own, having nothing to do with the baby himself?
8. Can you imagine being in this mom’s shoes? What would you do?

One of my closest friends adopted her foster child when he was 9 years old. He is a  bright adorable 12 year old now, but still struggles in many ways. He has made so much progress, yet new challenges present themselves every day. I can objectively say my friend is the best, most patient, most consistent disciplining mother I have ever met. She should win a “Parent of the Year” award, if there were one.

I could never, ever do what my friend has done. I used to think the main reason is that I already have a biological child of my own with no behavior problems. My friend had no children of her own before adopting her son. But now I realize parenting is more about commitment and consistency rather than about how the child came into the world or whether the parent has biological children as well.

I admire and commend any parent who adopts a child and never considers giving up due to the hard work and challenges that are guaranteed to arise. I also respect the mom in the article for being honest about her experience with her adopted son. I am sure her story was not easy to share. I do believe she should never have adopted in the first place, due to already having such a large family and an absent husband. And although I initially do not agree with her decision to give that baby up, I have not been in her situation, and it would not be fair for me to judge her decision.

What do you think?

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The best part of all this is that these are the best behaved children on earth. They are kind, polite and happy. And just imagine what greatly confident, independent young adults they will be!

This is a far better method than most parents used when I was a child – making chores a miserably negative, forced activity with high stress levels and bad moods among all involved.

Start early. Make it fun. Keep it positive. Something for all of us parents to think about.

Other observations have to do with motivation and work ethic, pure and simple. I have numerous successful friends with kids who have graduated from high school or college and really do not take the initiative to do anything with their lives. No plan, no job, no drive. They are nice kids, but seem to have no ambition, no passion for anything. In Florida there are many teens who do not bother to get their driver’s licenses. Huh, you say? This is not because their parents do not let them or because they do not have a car to use to practice driving. It’s because they are lazy and do not want to bother studying for the test. I cannot think of a single person my age I know who did not get his license the day he turned 16.

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I pose these questions:

1. Does the Baby Boomer generation expect less from their kids than the Baby Boomers’ parents expected from them?
2. Does the increase in cost and quantity of gifts given to kids spoil them by making them think money is easy to come by?
3. What can we do as parents to make sure our kids have the manners, motivation and a work ethic that will ensure a successful, independent future for them?

Here’s what I know:

1. A child’s manners are learned from her parents and should be taught, with kindness, from birth.
2. Children learn by example. If you say please and thank you and write thank-you notes, so will your kids.
3. Motivation comes from within. If kids are handed too many material things and tasks are completed for them, they will not be motivated.
4. Motivation also depends a great deal upon self confidence. A child who is constantly criticized, belittled or scolded will often lack motivation due to fear of failure.
5. Following through with tasks has to do with all three – manners, motivation and work ethic. Returning phone calls, emails, making good on promises and simply finishing what has been started are required for success in work and in life. Kids who not only observe their parents following through, but are also respectfully expected (by their parents) to follow through will be more successful in life.
6. Children learn the value of hard work through reward. They need incentive to put forth an effort. But they should not be rewarded when they do not take action.
7. Kids do not enjoy hearing hardship stories about the days of ol’ in your life, your parents’ or grandparents’ lives. It does not generally motivate them nor can they relate to them.
8. It is natural for parents to want to give their kids a better life than what they had, but too much is too much. Spoiled children grow up to be unhappy, unproductive adults.

Manners, Motivation, Work Ethic – Does Your Child Have Them?

Do you?

Communication – A good parent not only listens but also provides an environment conducive to open dialogue. You want your child to be able to tell you what’s on her mind. As a parent, you also want to be honest with your kids, and speak to them in a way that is NOT patronizing. There are some things you may not want to discuss with your kids, but a good parent is aware when a child can sense that something is wrong. Kids need information when they are concerned, and a good parent will give it to them.

Respect - Your child will respect you if you respect him. A respectful parent disciplines with love and does not embarrass her children in public places. I personally do not believe in hitting children for any reason EVER. If you hit them, spank them, etc you should expect and accept that they will do the same to others. The children I have known who have been spanked on a regular basis, have the worst ongoing behavior. I am also not a fan of yelling – unless, of course, the house is on fire.

Criticism - No one likes to be disparaged, and it is not productive. A good parent knows this, and will correct a child’s negative behavior with loving discipline. Your child will not feel secure growing up in a critical environment, where the child feels he can rarely do anything right. Many parents who criticize their children, were criticized themselves as children (and hated it).

Setting an Example – A good parent teaches her kids about what is right and wrong through dialogue, but takes it a step further by setting a good example. A good parent is kind to others and demonstrates a proper moral code. If you don’t want your teen to drive like a maniac, you shouldn’t drive like one either. If you’d prefer not to have a cheater as a child, don’t be one yourself. A parent cannot expect his kids to stay away from smoking and other unhealthy behaviors if that parent practices those behaviors himself.

Discipline – By FAR the best parenting practice is following through with discipline.  If your child does not behave or fails to follow expected rules, and you have laid out the consequences, by all means you must follow through. Failing on a parent’s part to follow through with disciplining his child, creates a spoiled, disrespectful kid. Later that child will become a miserable adult who must always get his way. Kids need boundaries, and good parents set them.