I despise the clichés, “Time flew by!” and “Where did the time go?” yet as my daughter celebrated her 18^th birthday yesterday and is leaving for college in a week, the reality of  time is slapping me in the face. Have you ever looked around in a public place and thought, “Look at how many children were born after my child?” I tend to do this often. I wonder if the parents of all those millions of children born after my daughter realize just how fast time will fly before their babies leave home? I’m sure most have no idea just how soon that will be!

This is a real empty nest I found in my back yard. Wonder how the mommy felt?

For obvious reasons, parents tend to put all their efforts into their children, only to be a bit lost when they leave the nest. Which is worse – that we will miss them, or we will not be able to “supervise” them any more? Or is it that we will not know what to do with ourselves without living our lives through them? No more chauffeuring, bag lunches, play dates, running to activities, parent-teacher meetings, inconvenient required school functions, waiting in long lines for report cards, planning around the school calendar, college apps, college visits, financial aid forms. I say “Total bummer!” and “Yeah!” all at the same time. Is it normal to be this confused?

I am not the first parent who will feel the heart-strings tugging when I drop my child off at college, and I will not be the last. I vow to be more excited, than sad, for her academic and social opportunities and independence. After all, we raised her to be independent, responsible and motivated, and now we will get to see the results without any more effort on our parts. Wow, saying that makes me wonder if that a good thing or not?

As for me, I will work more hours, clean the house (I mean really, really clean it) and perhaps take up serious yoga, do more craft work, write another book, (lay in bed all day once in a while) or even take a class – that is when I’m not on the phone with my daughter, waiting for her to call, texting her, waiting for a text back, writing her letters, waiting for a reply or baking her some goodies to ship out.

And oh yes, I vaguely recall a man I live with whom I married some 22 years ago and have neglected for far too long. I can finally spend time with him again.

If he’ll have me.

This has been a week of oddities. The following events have all taken place in the last seven days:

1. My daughter was shopping at Target and overheard a man on his cell phone saying, “It’s only your belly. Don’t be afraid of your belly. Just look down and see it. It’s just your belly. Now don’t make me come out there and tend to this. I said don’t be afraid of your belly!” HUH? OMG!
2. I have been preoccupied lately as usual. A couple of mornings ago, I went to make my fruit shake after my workout. I took the pits out of some cherries (this is a lot of work), cut up an apple, and put it in the blender with some almond milk and a splash of honey. Then I went to the freezer in the laundry room to get some ice to make this concoction more like a shake. Rather than reaching in the freezer to get ice, without thinking, I managed to reach into the dog food bin and put 2 heaping scoops of Buffalo Blue dog food into my shake. OMG. (Needless to say, I had to start all over and throw it all out.)
3. My daughter drove to the park to go rollerblading one afternoon. She came home and said she had put her cell phone on the roof of her car, sat on the seat to take off her skates and then forgot to take the phone off the roof of the car and drove away. So she and I raced back to the park to look for the phone. It was nowhere in sight. No one turned it into the office. So we drove back home looking on the ground, with no phone to be found. When we got home, my daughter stayed in her car while I used the house phone to call her phone. She could hear it ringing somewhere outside. Lo and behold – that damn phone had slid down the rear window of the car and got wedged in between the window and the trunk. The funny thing is that she has a thick Jesus sticker on the phone, and we believe it helped the phone stay in place. It made it through all that driving and over speed bumps and around corners, baking in the hot Florida sun. OMG! Literally.                               
4. I won’t name names, but someone I know went to a wedding in San Francisco. That someone did not pack enough fresh underwear, so he had to travel home commando. That someone had to go through the new x-ray security screening! He got some interesting looks from the security guards. HAHAHAHA. OMG.
5. I was out walking the dog today. Two teen girls pulled over, almost hitting me with their car. They were overwhelmed by Darwin, had to pet him, invade his personal bubble and take his picture. They asked me about 100 questions, struggled with their cameras, put their faces in my dog’s face, let him lick their mouths over and over again. It was a bit weird, but things got weirder when a man stuck his head out of his truck and said, “Is that some kind of a bear you are walking?” Inside and out, this truck was full to the top with junk. The only view out was a pumpkin-sized hole out of the driver’s side of the front window. The side and back windows were oozing with junk. There was no visibility out. I assumed he just lived in there, and the truck did not run; I was wrong. The guy started to drive away with that one small clearing in the front window! If I had a cell phone, I’d have called the police. OMG!
6. I was contacted about a month ago by a journalist through another writer friend to be interviewed for a long article in a national weekly news magazine. My name was not used. One of my daughter’s friend’s Mom sent me an email to tell me she read a most interesting article I should read. It was the one I was interviewed for. What is the likelihood of that? Of all the thousands of articles out per week, this was the one I was interviewed for, but there was nothing in that article that revealed I was one of many people interviewed!!! OMG.

Weird week.

This weekend I discovered the secret to true relaxation. It’s really quite simple – walk along a beach teeming with seashells. I experienced that firsthand on Sanibel Island this weekend . . .

It is virtually impossible to be stressed out while walking along a warm, sunny beach, feet dragging in the water. There’s nothing better than the sounds of the waves lapping ashore, skimming the seashells on the sand, causing them to gently clank together, shift and resettle as the water flows back into the ocean. This gently repetitive sound moves in sync with your inner rhythms, leaving you feeling completely content. It is as if the tranquil sound takes over any worrisome thoughts you may otherwise have. Sure there are a few children laughing in the background, but that only adds to the calming experience. You can breathe easier, deeper here while soaking it all in.

Walking along the shore, you meet the friendliest people, who share your love of shelling – grannies, young couples and kids, all in the best of moods. You just can’t be mad, sad or disturbed while walking along a beach.

My daughter poked fun at me for using a bright orange net to scoop shells up from the water. But my method proved to be successful. I was able to find some larger seashells while others nearby seemed frustrated while trying to sift through piles in the water. But in the end it’s not really about collecting the shells, rather just the excitement of the find. A perfect specimen with no chips or cracks, with a most beautifully interesting pattern ust waiting to be scooped up by you.

Contemplating the many mysteries of the sea is overwhelming in the most pleasant way. As I pull a gem of a shell from the water, I ponder its journey to the shore. (Stay with me here.) What happened to the animal inside? How many miles did it travel to get here? How many others are there like it in the world? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions? Billions? Or more than there are numbers to count? Do these creatures socialize with each other? What if I throw it back in, as far as I can? Will it ever wash ashore again? Maybe it will get caught in an undercurrent and get stuck in the sand forever, never to be seen again. Just how many seashells are on this beach anyway?  How long did it take for the waves to finely crush this many shells to make this much sand? How many species are out there we have yet to discover? What is it really like under the surface of the water during the worst of storms?

In the evening as the dusk approaches, the sky turns into an ever-changing collage of colors and clouds, making an ideal backdrop for the silhouettes of people walking along the shore. You can’t see their faces any longer, but you just know they’re happy.

P.S. You just better get inside before the sand fleas feast on you for dinner.

http://www.hellasmultimedia.com

On this Father’s Day, I am thankful for all the Dads I’ve had in my life:

1. My Own Father, who passed away when he was 40 and I was 14. He travelled a lot for work, and I regret that we did not have more time together. What I remember most is him encouraging my creativity. He once brought me to an advertising office when I was about 5 to show me what the artists did to create ads. I was able to sit at an easel they had and draw a picture. Everyone treated me like I was an employee, and I thought I was the bomb!
2. My Grandfather Joe, was the most adorable person on earth. He showed me what unconditional love was and had a soft heart. He told great stories and held nothing back. I laughed and laughed when we were together. He was obsessed with watching Bob Ross, the artist on Public Television. After watching the show, Gramps and I painted together. He gave me his paint brushes, which I still use after 30 years! And some of his paintings still hang on my wall. My granny drove him nuts, and I found it so entertaining. He died in 1986, and not a day goes by when I do not think of him and smile.
3. My Stepfather, Jack, passed away in 1999 from a brain tumor. He was a very short, smiley man with a strange Spanish/Yiddish combination accent and a big heart. He treated me like I was his own biological daughter and stood by me through some very, very tough times. He experienced a lot of tragedies in his life, but somehow remained positive. “It’s all good,” he’d often say.

Who are you thankful for on Father’s Day?

Vicky was happiest when she was in the fields with her llamas

If you take the time to think about all the interesting ways you’ve met the friends you have, you’d realize quickly that life is a long series of coincidences combined with fate. In 2005 my husband, John, daughter, Rachel dog, Gigi and I took a summer vacation through GA. We found Second Time Around Mini Farm online in the small, historic town of Washington, GA. We made a reservation there because the owner, Vicky, posted on her site that she welcomed pets with open arms.

Vicky teaching Rachel how to show a llama

Upon arriving at Vicky’s farm, we became instant friends, kindred spirits of sorts. Our 2-day reservation turned into a much longer stay. Her farm, the way I remember it with her and her llamas there, will always be my favorite place on earth. For many years, Vicky was an interior designer for yachts, and her eye for design resulted in a most beautiful planned and landscaped mini llama farm. There was a tranquility and comfort about this place that words cannot describe. Lucky for us, we were able to experience it for ourselves several times, because we returned to the farm over and over in the past few years. It isn’t every day that a city person can be a llama farmer for a week, but Vicky invited us to experience that firsthand. She even asked Rachel to show one of her llamas at an event in Ocala one year. It was a most memorable experience.

Vicky doing what she did best – showing her llamas and winning ribbons

In between our visits to the farm, we spoke often on the phone, lending support and celebrating life’s greatest moments. She was like a sister to me.  And her scarlet macaw, Mo, had a crush on me. We had a lot of laughs. Vicky had a magical way of communicating with animals that few others can; she was Dr. Doolittle.  When a baby sheep was born, Vicky put him in diapers and brought him to bed with her at night. Whenever a baby llama was due to be born (and there were many times), Vicky set her alarm to get up every hour to check on the mama, night after night. If she ever got word that a farm animal was too ill to be kept, she adopted that animal and nursed it back to health. And Vicky came up with the best names for her animals. Like “Stuff,” short for “Cornbread Stuffing,” and “Red Moon Rising.” When I told her that our dog died, she held a memorial for her at the farm.

Vicky and Rachel paddling on the pond

Sadly, Vicky was recently experiencing some hard times and had some personal setbacks that overwhelmed her. Tragically she chose to end her life last week. Naturally, it’s difficult to accept this mournful and shocking news. As I look back at stacks of photos from our visits with her, I cannot help but admit that I took for granted that she’d always be around and that there’d be more good times at the llama farm. The “what ifs” and “should haves” race through our minds. But they’re simply not productive.

During happy times, John, Rachel and Vicky line dancing to loud music with Mo

Vicky, I hope you knew that you were loved by us and all your many friends you welcomed to your farm. We will always miss you for your kindness, generosity, loyalty and caring ways. You were passionate about your work and an inspiration to many. Does it sound cliché to say that our lives have been enriched because we knew you?  And that you taught us many wonderful things? Or made a positive difference in the world? And you had a whole lot of love to give? I hope not, because they are all true.

Vicky welcomed 1000’s of visitors every year and especially enjoyed teaching kids about llamas

As for me, I’m really glad I made you that pie out of the crab apples on your tree. Though I must say I was shocked as I watched you devour the entire thing with your bare hands in one sitting. It’s a great memory to have.

Vicky and me, the very last time I saw her

Vicky, If there are llamas in heaven,

I know you are joyful now.

I recently read an article about how Americans are now marketed to more than 5,000 times a day. How perfectly disgusting! Now I’m really starting to pay attention to just how many ways marketing invades my life, wasting my time, rotting my brain.

There’s a Secret Antiperspirant TV commercial out now where a woman is dancing at a nightclub with a guy, and she throws her arm up to sniff her armpits. I am supposed to sit on my couch while watching that and think, “Wow, I really need that product. The next time I sniff my pits in public, (and doesn’t everybody do that?) I know Secret will be protecting me.” And what about commercials for local restaurants with low quality camera work and horrible theme songs you just cannot get out of your head as you are tossing and turning in bed at night? And how emotional can I get about the brand of paper towels I use and the absorbency? How hard is it to choose the right paper towel brand when you go to the store? Even worse, what about the animated toilet paper commercial with the bears in the woods and the “residue” the t-paper leaves on their behinds? It’s hard to watch that ad while eating lunch. Gross. And I just love the commercials with stick-thin models devouring chocolates – as if they ever eat chocolate, or anything else. Don’t get me started on drug commercials that sell medicine that do nothing but make your illness worse – or kill you altogether.

And I don’t even watch TV that often.

Television is the most obvious venue for advertising, but there’s so much more to marketing than the idiot box. Here are just 10 of many thousands of ways:

http://www.webweaver.nu

• Ads on the back of stall doors in public restrooms. “Need your car towed? Call Charlie.” No, I don’t, Chuck. I just drank a quart of ice tea and need to use the facilities, if you don’t mind.
• Ads on paper placemats in your favorite local restaurant from other restaurants. Isn’t that competition?
• Ads in doctor, dentist, and other professional office offering more services to you. “We don’t just clean teeth, we cap them at a cost of $2,500 each. We also have tanning bed services.”
• Door hangars from solicitors telling you they will trim your trees, but fail to tell you they do not have a license, nor are they insured.
• Billboards on the highway with letters so small that you almost get killed trying to read it.
• Direct mail from politicians telling me why the opponents are corrupt and nothing about what they can do for me.
• Checking out at the grocery store, the cashier asks you to donate $1 to a charity, and you know that $1 will go to an executive’s salary and $0 will help anyone in need.
• All the cute items displayed at the pet store, that your pet now needs since you saw them. Naturally, your dog is picky about the design on his new toy shaped like a cat , so you better select carefully. And when it comes to your pooch’s haute couture wardrobe, be sure to get her a matching purse and hair bow, or she will be so depressed when you get home and may need to see a canine therapist.
• Sitting in the movie theater watching the pre-show ads, on a never-ending loop, selling me ridiculously priced junk food, asking me to patronize local businesses and buy tickets for more movies.
• Massive-sized products at the warehouse stores beckoning you to buy more than you will ever need (like a 6-gallon jar of yellow mustard too huge to fit properly in the fridge) to make the unit cost go down. Though in reality, if you cannot use it all, the unit cost will go up.

So tomorrow, when you are out and about, start noticing the bombardment of advertising you are so used to experiencing, you never even thought about before.

Oh, and please tell 1,000 of your friends about this article.

1. How could 4 years fly by that quickly?
2. Wow, am I proud of my daughter.
3. 4 years of high school is long enough.
4. Why are the graduation speeches so boring?
5. I respect so many of my daughter’s wonderful teachers, and I want to thank them.
6. I wish I worked as hard in high school as my daughter did.
7. How many of my daughter’s high school friends will she still be in touch with when she graduates?
8. I am so excited for her future.
9. What wonderful things will she do with her life when she is done with college?
10. What on earth will I do when she’s gone?

It’s so much easier to complain than it is to look for the positive. But today I concentrated only on the good things:

1. I worked out extra hard and felt extra good afterward.
2. The roses my husband gave me 2 days ago are open and just perfect. (see photo above)
3. A woman driver wanted a parking space next to me as I was coming out of the bank and approaching my car. She waited for me very patiently to get into my car and close the door before pulling in to the space. She even smiled and waved. She did not run me over. Yeah!
4. Palm Beach County Schools invited me to be one of the featured authors at a big author event next spring.
5. My husband surprised me and came home from work for lunch, since he had a meeting in the area.
6. My horrible cold is finally GONE!
7. It’s raining, and I love the rain.
8. My puppy rested his head in my lap and took a nap while I worked.
9. I found a parking space right in front of the post office – a rare find indeed.
10. There was NO line inside the post office – even rarer!

What happened to you today that was good?

Today I found myself pondering the following questions:

1. What would my life be like during this allergy season if there were no disposable tissues and I had no choice but to use a hanky (more like 500 hankies!)? Gross.
2. How can my puppy spend so many hours per day chasing his shadow without getting bored?
3. How do so many parents tune their misbehaving children out in grocery stores? Oh how I wish they woud listen.
4. How does all that dust get in my house every day?
5. How much junk mail in pounds do we toss every single day in this country? Why can’t we stop it from coming?
6. Who are “They?” when people say “They say…”
7. Why did I complain when it was cold here this winter? Now it is boiling hot.
8. Why are people who talk on cell phones while walking not able to look both ways when crossing a street?
9. What does a person do for a living who majors in Latin, Women’s Studies, Philosophy or Gay and Lesbian Studies?
10. Why would anyone take medicine advertised on TV that disclaims it may cause the illness to get worse or may even cause death?

1. My puppy, Darwin gained 11 lbs in 20 days.
2. My daughter’s theology homework makes absolutely no sense, and no one can figure out what it all means.
3. My allergies are so bad, I used 500 sheets of Kleenex in 24 hours.
4. People talk about Super Bowl commercials way too much. They’re not that important or fascinating.
5. Postage stamps are really expensive.
6. Facebook changed the way my home page looks and works. Why?
7. Pure sunshine always puts me in a good mood.
8. My city is now recycling junk mail, and it is shocking how many papers I can now recycle! Where was that all going before?
9. The lady on TV on that religious channel, who has a huge pink hair wig and only one outfit is always bawling her eyes out. Why?
10. Working out after dinner gives me acid reflux.

I’m off to the YMCA. And I just ate.