An article in the NY Times this week describes the extremes colleges are now going to to prevent and catch cheaters. It’s rather shocking. Cheating starts at a young age and festers into adulthood. Here are some of the factors that go into creating cheaters.

Children who do the following are more likely to cheat:

  • have ultra competitive parents who pressure their children to excel or are compared to others who do well.
  • have parents who are never satisfied with their accomplishments.
  • have an overachieving sibling who is older and is compared to that sibling by parents and others.
  • have cheating parents – cheat on their taxes, cheat on their spouses, cheat others in business.
  • are involved in highly competitive sports with competitive coaches.
  • attend a very competitive school with competitive peers.
  • attend a university where they are ranked.
  • who are overwhelmed by their work load.
  • have access to the internet on their cell phones.
  • have cheated before and got away with it or were caught but suffered little or no consequences.
  • see how easy it is for others to do it.

So how do you raise a child to resist the temptation to cheat?

  • Get your own practices in check. Are you a cheater even in “subtle” ways? Are you ultra competitive?
  • Often parents push because they want their child to accomplish what they did not have the motivation to do themselves. That is a common situation among most parents, however it is important to be realistic about what your child can do and wants to do.
  • Watch what you say and hint to your children. “Wow, Tommy got a perfect score on that test you struggled with, so it can be done if you try harder, Son.” “Great job. Maybe next time you can do even better!”
  • Be mindful of your body language and facial expressions when your children are sharing good news with you.
  • Don’t push sports on your children if they are not interested. If they do love sports, don’t make it everything. Constantly talking about winning or a mistake a child made in a game is a huge mistake.
  • Encourage your child to participate in some activities and hobbies that are not competitive.
  • Don’t pressure your child to take accelerated classes or a workload that is too difficult for him. Don’t push the Gifted Program if is not the right fit for your child.
  • Don’t fight for your child’s grades at school and contest teachers’ decisions unless it is absolutely necessary, and rarely will that be the case.
  • Do talk to your child from an early age about cheating, and that you will not condone it for any reason, no matter what others are doing.

If your child is caught cheating or you yourself discovers that she cheated, take immediate action. Make sure the consequences fit the crime.

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