Now that our daughter has completed the college application process, and has accepted an offer from UPenn, we can take a humongous sigh of relief. The process was so exhausting that we all have taken a vow not to use the “C” word here any more. (Yes, “C” word = College.) Applying to college is an arduous, stressful process no matter what you do – even if you take a laid-back approach. What am I saying? There is no laid-back approach to applying to college! The more advanced your child is academically, the more competition she will face, because most of the top universities are small and the demand is high. Here’s what I know from my experience:

graduation-jubilation

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  1. Don’t Brag – No matter how talented you may be academically or in your extracurricular activities, save the bragging for your own ears. There is someone else who is smarter, more talented, more outstanding in some way. Yes, you are wonderful, as are countless others. Today, the truth is that brainy, accomplished kids are a dime a dozen. Colleges are not going to be astounded when you visit and list your accomplishments (unless perhaps, you have cured cancer. FYI – if this were the case, you would not need to go to college). The admissions people have heard and seen it all already. You may be the top student at your school, but there are tens of thousands of high schools in the US alone.
  2. Weed through stacks of info and brochures – Excellent high school students receive an outrageous amount of college brochures, postcards, letters and emails. Even not-so-great students will receive these. You will get onto mailing lists as you take the PSAT. It can be overwhelming and flattering to receive this much mail from top colleges. Save the info from the places that interest you, but be realistic. Just because you get an invitation to apply does not mean you will be accepted.  You are not the only one receiving stacks of mail. (We just recycled over 50 lbs of brochures, and that does not include the hundreds we tossed as they came in the mail over the past 3+ years.)
  3. Stay ahead of the game – Each college app takes a great deal of time to complete. Check the colleges’ essay topics at the end of your junior year, and start writing a few good essays about yourself during the summer. You can tweak and rework them later, but at least you will have the basics down.
  4. Get with it about the Acceptance Numbers -  According to the US Census Bureau, the population of the USA in 1950 was around 161 million. Today it is around 310 million. That means a whole lot more students are graduating from high school than ever before. Ivy League and many other top universities today still have the same number of spots for students as they had way back then. This year around 30,500 students applied to Harvard (as written in the Harvard Crimson) as compared to half that number some time in the late 1990′s. This means, due to the sheer rise in numbers, many of the students who got accepted 10 years ago, today would be rejected with the same credentials. Only around 2,000 get accepted each year for a class of around 1,600. Thousands of valedictorians and perfect 800 SAT scorers get rejected in top schools. There are 8,000 National Merit Scholar Finalists each year in this nation, yet total student acceptances at the top 25 schools are a mere fraction of that number And no college is going to fill up its class with all valedictorians, all merit scholars or all star football players for that matter. There is a desire for diversity. The US Census bureau reported that about 3.3 million high school seniors graduated last year. That equates to around 33,000 students in the USA in the top 1%. (Remember too, students can apply from all over the world.) There’s simply is not enough room for every star student at every star university. The reality is there are a multitude of stories about “near perfect” students with exceptional talents getting rejected. This is no longer shocking, rather just the norm.
  5. Understand the inefficiency of the numbers game – Since more and more students are applying to more and more schools, the application process is becoming less and less efficient for students and colleges. Colleges have to assume the students they are accepting are also accepted at several other top schools. Each student can only accept one invitation. So many of the students accepted at any given school will decline the offer. This also results in students spending hundreds of hours on extra applications. Since it is so hard to get in, students feel the need to apply to more schools. Waiting lists are getting longer and longer as well, but this is not good news for those waiting. (See, we’re going round and round in a loop here.) The only way I think this process could be improved would be if colleges started to post minimum academic requirements for applicants, thus reducing the total number of apps, and I don’t believe this will ever happen.
  6. The truth about test scores and essays – Good test scores are very important, but they are not everything. Long gone are the days when a student with a perfect 2400 on the SAT but with many mediocre B’s and C’s on his report card is sought after. There are countless students who have both top scores and grades, so if your grades do not match your scores, do not be at all shocked when you are rejected. After all, we’ve already established that many with the scores, grades and other talents are rejected. As far as essays, I believe they are important, but they are not everything. If you write a killer essay but your grades are not fantastic, you won’t likely impress the reader. No one factor is “it” at any school. There is so much competition that all factors need to be weighed. Plus we all have to wonder if a just a few admissions officers at one university really have the time to read tens of thousands of essays?
  7. Each college has its own acceptance process and you will never know the inside details about how it all works – The secret of what it takes to get into a particular university is that there are no secrets. What a group of admissions officers is looking for will vary from school to school and from year to year. It appears that the vast majority of colleges do not just look for pure brains; it is all too common for a stronger student to get rejected over another student for some unknown reason to the general public. Most schools will tell you they seek a well-rounded student body  – not necessarily a well-rounded student. This means that they want each member of their freshmen class to be unique in some way (academics, athletics, music, other talents, awards, race, culture, socioeconomic background, hardships, areas of study, legacy, financial donations, and more). And as far as having connections to universities and admissions officers, I have a hunch that plays a role in the acceptance numbers too. It’s common sense that connections are part of business success, so why not college too?
  8. Be realistic about your choices - Your high school guidance office should tell you what colleges are realistic for your achievements. Everyone should apply to one “dream school,” but for example, if you are not strong in math,  why waste your time and the college’s time by applying to a top engineering school? If math is not your strength anyway, you would not thrive or even enjoy your college years in a program like that.
  9. Apply to numerous schools – This means more  work and essays on your part. But you can only apply once and be accepted once. Many top schools have discontinued their transfer student programs. And those who do take transfer students receive many thousands of applications for just a tiny number of spots. And while you are at it, be sure to keep a written list of all your user names and passwords for each school, as they will all be different. You will need to log in repeatedly to check your application status.
  10. Be open-minded and the right school will find you – If you do your college app job well, at least one “right” school will find you. By applying to numerous schools offering the major and lifestyle you prefer, you are increasing your odds of acceptance. Few students get in everywhere they apply these days. It’s okay to have a favorite, but be open-minded. Often the school that is right for you was not your first pick to start but will be to finish, and you will be excited to attend. Remember, you can only attend one college at a time, and you do not need to get accepted to 20 to pick the right school.
  11. Do not attend a university you have never visited – After visiting the website, being familiar with the reputation or receiving positive feedback from other students and alums, you may think a particular school is the best place for you. But until you visit and talk to the staff and students, you cannot really be sure. My daughter experienced this for herself and actually ended up not even applying to one of her initial top choices (after a short visit). She just did not like the campus, the students did not seem all that happy, and she realized she preferred an urban setting. Frankly, both she and I felt depressed just being there. You don’t even need a good reason; if it doesn’t feel right, move on.
  12. Think 4 years – When you choose a college, keep in mind that you will be there for 4 years of your life. Pick a place where you feel at home and a sense of community. Don’t pick a school because of the ranking, prestige or because your parents went there or someone else thinks you should go. You have to be excited about it and thrive there for four years of your life. You know you will have to work hard to excel in your classes, but a great deal of your success in college revolves around the happiness factor.
  13. Play the waiting game – If you are wait listed, know that you are among many, many others who are also on the list. Some of these lists are many thousands of students long. Most colleges say they do not rank wait-listed students. If they have a need to go to the wait list, they will look at all the applicants and pull from the entire pool. If you are wait-listed, be flattered that you were highly regarded. But do not count on an acceptance. It is unlikely. Some years, some colleges take 0 students off the list. The rumor is that more students are given acceptances these days to compensate for the larger numbers of “no thank yous” colleges get from accepted students. That way colleges are less likely to need to even use the wait list. If you are wait-listed and are still very interested, send an email to the admissions officer expressing your interest and list any new achievements since you applied. Do not repeat what is on your app. Do not beg, or be clever, send gifts, show up at the admissions office and perform an original song or poem, have a lawyer send a letter, have your parents call and push or otherwise be annoying in any way – unless you want a flat-out rejection. It is okay to have someone new write a letter on your behalf, like a teacher or alumni of the university. Beyond that, you need to pick another school and reserve your spot, because you will not hear from the wait list school until long after your May 1 deadline to accept an offer elsewhere. Be excited about the school you choose, because it is a long shot to get off most wait lists. If you no longer want to be on a wait list, let the college know immediately to give another student a chance to get an acceptance.
  14. Don’t beg if you don’t get in – If you are denied acceptance to your top choice, hold your head up high. The stories I hear about parents calling admissions offices and demanding to know why their brilliant children were denied acceptance is disturbing. Do you really want to attend a college that did not choose you?  At this point, we’ve already established that a rejection is often not a reflection upon your accomplishments, rather just a numbers game. If you are a wonderful student, a wonderful university will want you. That’s where you should want to go as well – not to a college where you pushed or threatened, or bribed your way inside. (Yes, I read about an admissions officer who was offered to have his mortgage paid off by the parent of a student who was not accepted in exchange for a spot and another parent who had a shiny new Mercedes delivered to the admission officer’s driveway in the middle of the night, wrapped in a big red bow.) Have dignity. No single college is worth stooping so low; there are many incredible colleges in our great nation.
  15. Count Your Cash – Most top universities do not offer merit scholarships, because everyone who enters is assumed to be highly accomplished academically. However, some of the prestigious schools are very generous with their need-based financial aid for students from low and middle income families. But don’t kid yourself. If you have enough savings to pay for the first year of college, you’ll likely be expected to pay on your own. Each year you can reapply for financial aid. If your nest egg is depleting from paying for previous years of college, the financial aid may increase the next year. Just don’t apply only to colleges that you cannot afford, assuming you will get a big pile of financial aid. You may be stuck with wonderful acceptances you simply cannot afford. It is wise to apply to a state school as a back-up plan. If you do plan to apply for financial aid to various schools, know that it is an extremely time-consuming process. You will be asked for so much detailed info that you will get to the point where you will expect to be asked for an FBI background check. There is a FAFSA Form, a CSS Form, and many colleges require you fill out their own forms. Triple check the deadlines at each school.
  16. Look for scholarships on your own – There are many websites and directories at the library and bookstores about scholarships offered to college students. Weigh the pros and cons. The process is extremely time consuming, and there is a lot of competition. But with diligence, you can be awarded some financial help. Every dollar counts. Do tell the college you are attending about any scholarship you have received. There is a chance it may affect the financial aid they award you.
  17. Don’t pay a lot of $ for advice – There are umpteen services out that promise you the “inside secrets to getting into specific schools like Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UPenn, Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth, Columbia, Stanford, UChicago, MIT, Cal Tech etc. And there are many books on the subject. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is. The bottom line is that paying for services is no guarantee of anything. (See number 3 above).
  18. Follow through – Make sure you contact all colleges you were accepted to but will not be attending. You will leave a bad impression if you fail to let them know you have accepted another offer. It is rude and selfish, and if you plan to attend grad school there one day, you will not be highly regarded. And many admissions officers from different universities know one another. It’s simply never a good idea to burn bridges. Just put yourself in the shoes of another student who is on the waiting list and is dying to get accepted and take your spot.
  19. Celebrate when it’s over – Once you have chosen a college, accepted the offer, rejected the other offers and put your deposit down, take a deep breath and relax. Celebrate your accomplishments. It was a lot of work, but well worth the effort. You’ll get over the rejections; most everyone has them.

It is fabulous if you can get into one of country’s top schools, and you should certainly welcome the opportunity if it should present itself. Just keep in mind you will find highly successful and mega wealthy people who attended local colleges, remote and state universities as well as those who never went to college at all. It may sound cliche, but your success will depend vastly upon your motivation rather than the name of the college where you graduate.

Good luck. You’ll get through this. I promise.

Luckily for me, I have only one child, because I do not care to speak or hear the “C” word ever again.

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