While cruising the web, I came across this fascinating, but ultra sad story, about a mother of 5 and wife of a deployed soldier, who adopted a baby boy she was unable to bond with. (The story is from April, 2009.) She later terminated the adoption, and the baby was adopted by another family. She wrote a respectfully honest article about her experience. Read the story and some of the comments from readers here and then think about how you would answer these questions:

  1. Why would a family with 5 children and a father who is often deployed want to adopt a special needs child?
  2. Should a family with 5 children and a father who is often deployed be allowed to adopt special needs child?
  3. How long should it take for a baby with special needs to bond with a family? Or is it possible for a baby to never bond with a loving family?
  4. Is there a “romantic” vision adoptive parents have of the child they are going to receive?  You know what I mean – the dream that a baby with challenges will make a 100% turn-around to become a perfect, beautiful, bright, thriving child?
  5. Was it the mom’s inability to bond that affected the rest of the family’s ability to also do so?
  6. Did this mom give up too early?
  7. Was this simply about a mom who could not love this baby for reasons of her own, having nothing to do with the baby himself?
  8. Can you imagine being in this mom’s shoes? What would you do?

One of my closest friends adopted her foster child when he was 9 years old. He is a  bright adorable 12 year old now, but still struggles in many ways. He has made so much progress, yet new challenges present themselves every day. I can objectively say my friend is the best, most patient, most consistent disciplining mother I have ever met. She should win a “Parent of the Year” award, if there were one.

I could never, ever do what my friend has done. I used to think the main reason is that I already have a biological child of my own with no behavior problems. My friend had no children of her own before adopting her son. But now I realize parenting is more about commitment and consistency rather than about how the child came into the world or whether the parent has biological children as well.

I admire and commend any parent who adopts a child and never considers giving up due to the hard work and challenges that are guaranteed to arise. I also respect the mom in the article for being honest about her experience with her adopted son. I am sure her story was not easy to share. I do believe she should never have adopted in the first place, due to already having such a large family and an absent husband. And although I initially do not agree with her decision to give that baby up, I have not been in her situation, and it would not be fair for me to judge her decision.

What do you think?

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