As I have mentioned before, all the events of my days, big or small, play out like chapters in the long novel of my life. Today was no exception. I had to run to the grocery store for a few items, and I came across all sorts of characters ideal for a story. And let me mention to you now that I like to give interesting strangers made-up names that identify their most obvious traits.

For starters, upon entering the store, some piped-in music annoyed me to the core. I usually don’t pay attention to the music in the grocery store, but this was unavoidable. There were 6 words to this song, and they were sung over and over again. “And so I danced with Cinderella, and so I danced with Cinderella.” This phrase was repeated no less than 56 times. Unfortunately for my daughter, I started to sing it when I got home, and now she cannot get this horrendous phrase out of her head.

When I could finally stop starring at the speakers in the ceiling, I came across a woman at the deli counter who was rifling through the baskets on the counter of thrown-out numbers on people used for getting service. I finally figured out that she was trying to find an earlier number so that she would not have to wait in line for her number to be called. I guess Ms. Number Thief did not realize that any recent number she would find in the basket would have already been served and would not again be called for another 100 numbers or so. I can’t say I blame Ms.Number Thief for trying, since the service at the deli counter is atrocious. The people who work there are always running around and carving meats, but they are rarely helping the customers at the counter.

This event made me recall Mrs.Pork Rind Squeezer, I has encountered a year or so ago. This lady parked her shopping cart on the diagonal so no one could get by. (I really resent those selfish shoppers!) Anyway, she walked up to pork rind bags that were hanging on a turning rack. She looked to the right. She looked to the left. (She forgot to look behind here where i was standing.) Then she sniffed a bag of rinds, literally wiping her nose on it and then suddenly squished the entire bag, crushing the rinds into powder. I startled her by demanding, “Excuse me, but what in the hell are you doing?” She quickly put those crushed rinds back on the rack and ran away. If I live to be 300, and spent all those years in front of the turning pork rind rack, I can be guaranteed to never see anyone else doing that again.

Gettig back to today….Right in front of the steaks and burgers was a young lad, about 7 or 8 years old, karate chopping the air and subsequently the shopping cart. He let out quite a yelp. When his frustrated Mom shouted at The Karate Kid to stop, he karate chopped her purse off her shoulder, and it landed on top of a few boxes of Entenmann’s Doughnuts. No great loss there as I find those particular pastries to have no taste whatsoever.

At the checkout counter was a nervous-looking man who was purchasing 10 gallons of pre-made iced tea, 10 – 2 liter bottles of Mountain Dew and 4 large cans of caffeinated Folgers coffee. I think he was perhaps trying to stay awake for about a week to 10 days. I feel sorry for Mr. Caffeine Addict’s wife – if he has one.

The cashier who checked me out closd the cash drawer using her 8-month pregnant tummy 3 times. Mrs. Belly Buster seemed to be quite entertained by that. I wonder what the fetus thought of that jerking motion? I envisioned a set of identical twins being born, but only one with a flat head in the shape of a cash drawer. I guess they would not be identical any more then.

On my way out, an old man with a shopping cart walked right in front of a car and did not even flinch when the driver slammed on his breaks to avoid him. The driver yelled some (very creative, I must say) obscenities out the window at the guy, but it was as if Shopping Cart Man could not hear or see Mr. Irate Driver. How I wish I could go through my life that way – not noticing anything I would find annoying if I were to notice.

And with that I am back to those haunting words, “And so I danced with Cinderella, And so I danced with Cinderella, And so I danced . . .”

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